I was born in Johannesburg South Africa in the year 1979. Indeed a year of much breakthroughs in space and technology. Some of the most renown ministries were birthed this year.
I will start my story for as far as I can remember. It was initiated in what we call the tent days. By this I mean we had church in a tent. At this time a certain man by the name of Nicky van der Westhuizen was pastoring the church. Truly a beautiful man of God who was taken out by the enemy.
But even before this time, a certain man and truly a Prophet of God took the pulpit, and till this day carries much weight in the Spirit, one I truly love. He was my Hero at the tender age of 5.
I remember the first time I felt the manifest presence of God. This certain pastor laid his hands on me and anointed me with Olive Oil.
After a series of God encounters as child nothing would stop me in my quest and pursuit to serve God. Even at School, I was much despised for my sincere Faith in the Lord. I did not have friends in School. Evidently, I would resort to a Christian Campsite called: “Rabboni”.
As I entered standard 6. The very first day of School was diagnosed with hepatitis. As a result was unable to attend school for a period of 6 months. I was desperate. I remember it crystal clear, one night a true servant of God, and today stands in the office of the Prophet. Was preaching at this certain church on Daniel, or if you will, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego
That very night I gave my heart to the Lord Jesus Christ. Shortly to follow I was standing way on the side of the audience, eyes still closed. Evangelist Marc Bredenkamp walked up to me and Breathed the very Breath of God into me and said: “Great Man of God”. Tears starting forming in my eyes as I for the first time ever experienced the great, great love of God. This was a True infilling and baptism in the Holy Spirit.
At a zealous age of 19 when I started to first experience the manifest presence of GOD, I was radical, people thought I was crazy, and I was indeed. Jumping up and down, going crazy for God, come on, I just discovered GOD!!!
I was so excited that I locked myself in my bedroom for 120 days.
Yes, I did leave my room occasionally go to Christian bookshops etc. But yes, I pretty much fasted and prayed most of this period of four months. The power of God was so dense in my room, demoniacs would enter my room and start manifesting, crawling to the door
It would have been impossible for me to try and pursue any other means of existence other than laying it in down for God. To give you wrap up that which has happened to me between age 21 and now at 35. I hit a spiritual high at 19, I pulled back at age 21, and Satan tried his utmost to destroy me even until this very day.
I was so severely tormented and ripped apart by demon spirits that I lost my mind indeed. I am not one to quit easily, trust me, I am extremely persistent. I fought this thing in the Spirit for 5 years until I collapsed. My pastor and friend came to my aid. It was suggested that I be admitted into a mental institution.
I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. In a nutshell, had 68 plus weeks in mental rehabs, 25 plus hospitalizations, 21 brain shock treatments and 4 months in a nursing home. I have been taking medication for about 15 years now. My life has not been fun and games to this point. I have been obedient to the heavenly vision and call, however as it may have seemed if that God has rejected me.
God’s manifest presence has never departed from me. I am wrapped in the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT. I chose to pay a price I and never realized would have brought me to and through this place. Having gone through all the pain and shame, I can honestly conclude, living in HIS presence NON STOP is and was worth it.
My life with Schizophrenia
I was born with the soul cankering disease aptly Schizophrenia. I remember at the age of 5, having absolutely no knowledge of the demonic, would do shadow boxing into thin air, it was evident, something or someone was after me. Schizophrenia has taken me on a journey, mostly a painful and one of much suffering, I don’t boast in my condition, neither do I feel sorry for myself, but surely yes, as human as I am, want answers to these questions pertaining this condition.
People could never quite place or get me. Most of the times I was very isolated, my main reason for schooling was to share Jesus with the other students, for this I was much despised and rejected, not to mention, had no friends. It has been a lonely and hard road.
For no real cause or reason at all, since primary school days were unusually victimized, as I said before, for no reason at all, I am still trying to make sense of it. Could be that there some greater purpose? My hoping and reasoning lingers in the areas that by the grace of God there may still be a plan for my life, but seemingly, lately I have no anticipation to do any form of ministry.
I do, what I do best, aptly writing, I will never stand on a stage, but my feelings and thoughts are brought to the spotlight on my blog. I don’t want to bore you with my fairy tales. All I can say is, trying to differentiate between what’s real and false is extremely confusing.
Unfortunately, I have to conclude, Schizophrenia is degenerative, trust me, the glass is half empty. In all things according to the Apostle Paul, we ought to give God thanks… Come to mind, by the measure of revelation imparted to me, Schizophrenia and my suffering included has kept leveled, grounded and humble, no chance of pride to sneak in.
Many a time, yes, human as I am, just don’t want to live anymore. But when I see the fruit of my call it puts me in a place where I can only but press onwards. In my condition, I have had much international favor, like Pastor Ray McCauley says: “The call won’t take you, where the grace of God can’t keep you.
The first time of Schizophrenia ever recorded is in the Bible, the Apostle Paul. We solemnly read that he prayed three times to God, to remove this thorn from his side: “A MESSENGER OF SATAN” sounds to me that he pretty much also heard a voice or voices, plainly cause a “messenger” delivers messages. God did not heal Paul from this ailment, rather said: “My grace is sufficient for you”.
Schizophrenia is rated the worst possible long-term diagnoses found in the medical fraternity, worse than Elsheimer or even more, Parkinson’s disease. I am by no means trying to gain your sympathy, very much rather your prayers please because I can assure you now friend, each day is a battle.
Since age 3 I had had an unusual affectionate and deepest found love for the Holy Spirit and most obvious, the Father and the Son too. My disease has driven me to a place of despair. It’s a long and lonesome road, the closest thing I have to reality is my wife, father, and mother. They are the ones keeping alive, seen with all due respect, I don’t want to live like this anymore.
It is so hard discerning my faith since it is the unseen, now the problem lies here, commonly with Schizophrenia it has the telltale signs of the unseen yet more delusions. Where do we draw the line, I mean “What is real” this has been a most peculiar thought for a long time, even till now.
Schizophrenia tends to isolate one, keeping you away from any kind or form and means of social interaction.
The church is very much aware of my condition, and you need to trust me, I am not obsessed, neither possessed, no demon to drive out here.
Initially, I was diagnosed with “undifferentiated Schizophrenia” I thought…wow, ok this is the small one, the one not contained in the textbook. 17 years later I was informed this is the worst kind to have, to a serious degree. I am now informed by the Psychiatrists that this condition involves MULTIPLE mental problems of which in my scenario it includes a series of issues such as: “Bipolar, major depression, paranoia, mood disorder, and so on…
This is simply and truly concluded via a series of tests by the medical fraternity in respect to psychiatry, with medical treatments over the span of 15 years by these Dr’s and South Africa’s top Professor’s, that my IQ is just simply too high, I should as a Schizophrenic not have such insight into my condition, making the situation much worse seen that I am constantly aware of the suffering. the ability to know and identify it, just makes the whole picture more complex…