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Living with Yourself

There is a dual-fold phase application to this article, please read to the end. First let’s look at why the most common problem people face in this heartbroken world is: “Living with themselves”. In a sense one can draw the line and come to the ultimatum that many people have become their own worst enemy. This reasoning may be incurred by your own choices or else, other’s deeds towards you that left you shattered and in pieces.

Ever heard the word or line: “Finding Closure?” Well hopefully by my humble letter I might help discover closure. It feels like a daunting even impossible feat. Can we ever forgive ourselves or others? You might feel like a mess! You wake up each morning looking into the mirror and all it reflects is pain and shame.

You have been living with this person aptly: “Self” for as far as you can remember. Well lets dissect this from a introspective view. We need to look at the truth and get to the root of your pain. Maybe you are not ready? It is by no means my attempt to press my finger into the open wound. Please, please allow me to bring closure to your open wound.

Bad life choices, self induced, being repelled by people and life, yes, serious rejection leaving you empty and lost. Who is this person whom you have to face each day, yes, the person so severely self despised and seemingly thrown away. How could God allow this? This might be the question you pose each day. The honest truth is I don’t have the answer to that one.

All I can tell from my own life, if I may share a bit. Being admitted in mental rehab’s for 45 weeks plus, 20 plus hospitalizations, 17 brain-shock treatments and four months in a nursing home, because of Schizophrenia, having met all these frail broken yet beautiful precious people in these institutions, I discovered a common fact, they are heartbroken, either abused or secondly rejected by life and people.

God has not thrown you away, neither has He fed you to the swine. People that might have inflicted harm on you also have their own choices, their choices might have left your shattered. You are precious and loved. I know you don’t agree with me, but hey! I know what I am talking about, I still till this day struggle living with myself. In fact at this very moment I am sitting inside a mental institution with my laptop writing this article, hoping to shine a bit of hope into your life.

Yes! I also have been severely rejected and demoniacally abused. Don’t you think for one moment that I did not feel like God threw me away, or asking: “WHY?”. Come on, I think to a mild degree I can sympathize with you in your dilemma, for one, living with the person you swore you cant love or forgive…YOU!

I am not going to quote scripture in this article if that is OK with you? I just want to inform you…there is hope! It is one thing hating others, it is all together another scenario hating yourself. Living with the one and only person you hate the most…YOU!

I remember when I was first diagnosed with Schizophrenia, I seriously tried to commit suicide by drinking every tablet I could find, thank God they found me knocked out by the drugs and rushed me to the nearest hospital. Thereafter I was immediately admitted to Tara which is a government mental institution. Confused and broken I was indeed. Even though I had all the means and reasons to blame God I chose not to.

One of two things can happen, one, you get bitter, and secondly, get better. I truly hope you choose to get better. I have heard of a saying: “Bitterness is drinking poison expecting the other person to die”

You might feel outraged because of that which has happened to you. But I must highlight, this type of thing does not happen just to you, it is life and life happens. There are many broken persons out there. Myself for one!

How easy to say: “Get over it” but this “it” might be you, and with all do respect, how does one go about getting over yourself? Even though I am sick, hallucinating, hearing voices almost constantly, should give me ample reasons to hate and curse God. But I Won’t. Because through my pain and rejection, I discovered a loving God with my best interests at heart.

It is time…time to let go and let God. Most assuredly you can’t fix this by yourself, you need the Makers hand in this. He knows you most certainly better than you might think or feel. He loves you dearly. You are his star, his child even most precious one.

Here is the recipe for most of your depression and dilemma’s. This is triangular model.

a.) How you see yourself, would determine how you

b.) See God, and how you see God

c.) Would determine how you see others around you.

Learn to love again! When I say love again, I am in no means making reference to those around you. No, you need to start loving on yourself again. You are beautiful, this is a dual compound word meaning: “Full of Beauty” Deep on innermost parts of your being is destiny and hope, even a life with joy and peace. Cause this is the Kingdom of God: “Righteousness, peace and joy” If these three-part ingredients are not evident in your life then you need to actually invite God’s Kingdom into your life.

If that is your choice today, please pray this prayer with me:

Lord Jesus, I thank you for removing, wiping away my past, please help me forgive myself as you faithfully forgive me. I know You love me. Please bring Your Kingdom life into my own and take this broken and shattered heart and use it for your purpose. Come and live through me. In Jesus name, Amen!

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