I was born in the year of 1979, indeed a remarkable year indeed. Grew up in a very warm and loving family, I write this piece, seen that it affects those dearest to me, my days have come to a close and I am not sure of the outcomes but this is sure, I am done! I can't continue with this continuous torment and suffering any longer.
Fool enough was I to entrust myself to some, whom at days end rejected me, as I was sincerely rejected by most people besides my family. This is my final address to you, and no, I am in no sense trying to suggest that I will end my own life, this is indeed the most selfish act which falls nothing less than an absolute fratricide, hurting those you leave behind, no, this will not happen, for this, I firstly Love God and secondly my peers too much.
Make no mistake, I love my family, and most fond of my dad, Thys Basson who stood headstrong with me for 20 years, 20 years of utter turmoil and pain unspeakable to even give any chance to describe.
I have had my fair share of this life on earth, I see no more hope or even a glimpse for a future given the fact that I suffer from the worst mental disease in the whole of the medial fraternity, aptly: "Schizophrenia". I can't live like this anymore...
My symptoms include hallucinations, voices, etc. These voices are aggressive and blaspheme the Holy Spirit profusely without cease, how can I live with this? Or even try, there is not a single day that passes that I am not in utter torment.
During the course of my treatment for Schizophrenia, I have endured 70 plus weeks in mental rehabs, one year in a nursing home and 25 brain shock treatments, 20 plus hospital admissions, etc. There is nothing much left of me, seen that Schizophrenia is indeed degenerative and I am getting out of here, pronto.
(Click here to read more about Schizophrenia)
As I gaze on my past with this disease, it was lighter to bear, but seemingly lately it has become progressively worse, I have zero hope and can't help but toy with ideas to end my life, but I won't, I will never commit suicide, I am earnestly praying for the Lord to snatch me away for Heaven's part, so please pray with me on this!
Sun blooms in the season, summer gives way to kindness and then the joy! Sheerest anticipation, with life ahead, I choose life instead. Who could ever have known this, who could then write a tale of one, a tale of one, ...is this then me to tell this?
A sudden strike sounds so ever pierce clear rings in my ears, a smile turns to a frown, how can this even be, I was not one for such to choose, the closeness and comfort come so dearly and in its time, sweet Spirit of the Lord, pain becomes of no regard, you hold my hand and then my heart.
What then shall I do, what shall I say, is this then my lot to choose, rather lofty praise to my Lord I choose. There is much to say, where do I start, a tale only a heart can ask, which sets me to journey the discovery, my very own heart.
Sorrow seasons and then the pain, ointment yes for all the shame. This suffices to say, I wander through valleys deep, I can call, and you will hear, you are my front you are my rear, in your arms, you hold me dear.