Blog By Jaco Basson

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I was born in the year of 1979, indeed a remarkable year indeed. Grew up in a very warm and loving family, I write this piece, seen that it affects those dearest to me, my days have come to a close and I am not sure of the outcomes but this is sure, I am done! I can't continue with this continuous torment and suffering any longer.

Fool enough was I to entrust myself to some, whom at days end rejected me, as I was sincerely rejected by most people besides my family. This is my final address to you, and no, I am in no sense trying to suggest that I will end my own life, this is indeed the most selfish act which falls nothing less than an absolute fratricide, hurting those you leave behind, no, this will not happen, for this, I firstly Love God and secondly my peers too much.

Make no mistake, I love my family, and most fond of my dad, Thys Basson who stood headstrong with me for 20 years, 20 years of utter turmoil and pain unspeakable to even give any chance to describe.

I have had my fair share of this life on earth, I see no more hope or even a glimpse for a future given the fact that I suffer from the worst mental disease in the whole of the medial fraternity, aptly: "Schizophrenia". I can't live like this anymore...

My symptoms include hallucinations, voices, etc. These voices are aggressive and blaspheme the Holy Spirit profusely without cease, how can I live with this? Or even try, there is not a single day that passes that I am not in utter torment.

During the course of my treatment for Schizophrenia, I have endured 70 plus weeks in mental rehabs, one year in a nursing home and 25 brain shock treatments, 20 plus hospital admissions, etc. There is nothing much left of me, seen that Schizophrenia is indeed degenerative and I am getting out of here, pronto.

(Click here to read more about Schizophrenia)

As I gaze on my past with this disease, it was lighter to bear, but seemingly lately it has become progressively worse, I have zero hope and can't help but toy with ideas to end my life, but I won't, I will never commit suicide, I am earnestly praying for the Lord to snatch me away for Heaven's part, so please pray with me on this!

I conclude my WRITING with this tale, a tale of one, just me!

Sun blooms in the season, summer gives way to kindness and then the joy! Sheerest anticipation, with life ahead, I choose life instead. Who could ever have known this, who could then write a tale of one, a tale of one, ...is this then me to tell this?

A sudden strike sounds so ever pierce clear rings in my ears, a smile turns to a frown, how can this even be, I was not one for such to choose, the closeness and comfort come so dearly and in its time, sweet Spirit of the Lord, pain becomes of no regard, you hold my hand and then my heart.

What then shall I do, what shall I say, is this then my lot to choose, rather lofty praise to my Lord I choose. There is much to say, where do I start, a tale only a heart can ask, which sets me to journey the discovery, my very own heart.

Sorrow seasons and then the pain, ointment yes for all the shame. This suffices to say, I wander through valleys deep, I can call, and you will hear, you are my front you are my rear, in your arms, you hold me dear.

I love you, like morning dew, showering all with an array of love and kindness. I stand in both amaze and wonder, at all the beauty, no, listen intently so, this supersedes my deepest sorrow, Oh who can know this?

Paint my love with kindness and you will soon discover, a heart found for love and no other. Lord how much longer will you leave me in the dark, Oh my Lord, did we not start this journey with joy and kindness? Many a time, yes my Lord, I feel lost with blindness.

Give me sight Lord that I may behold, there is no explanation needed of this kind or sort, I discovered a treasure worth all the count and score. Take all my pain, all my sorrow, yes, just take it all, put it on the scale of love, only to find my struggles, my pain and deepest sorrows hardly weighs to naught.

Ever now and then you embrace me with love my Lord. I started this life journey, but as time sojourned, seemingly impossibly I would never be able to transcribe or even give a hint of pain unspeakable, untold, inexpressibly to understand.

But my love buds and then bloom, the color, the sweet immersing fragrance, surely this is good. Where am I now, I try map myself in this journey of life only to discover the cross, my marking point, mark my words, it will guide, it culminates to life, yes, this is where Life and Love were founded, till this day I still stand astounded.

I stumble at times, I fall, you find me in my distress and rear me to my feet O Lord. You put your hand in the palm of mine, now I can see, ever so there is a plan, a plan too uncertain at times to understand, but you O King stand guard, the captain of my soul oh who can tell this?

I take time to inspect a flower, staring for hours on end in amazement, can a lovingly loving God give such meticulous detailed joy pristine design as such received, yet I lose sight of me?

I am captivated with the aim, with my hands to the mast, to the sail, into the Light. Hold now, Hand to the steer, aim ahead, stand strong, I will show no fear, never knew where this course would set me, I will face life ahead, no fear, no unbelief or even shaken at all, just love for my Savior, this is my all.

This was then a tale, a tale of one, me.

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Last Modified: Thursday 14 November 2019 04:16
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