I guess in life, few can tell the tale of this title. However, not everyone can witness this because there simply exists no “good” in goodbye, nor “fair” in farewell, or even “nice” in nice try.
For 28 years, I have endured the profound challenges of living with schizophrenia, a severe mental illness that has significantly impacted my life. This condition, often regarded as one of the most complex diagnoses within the medical community, has been a relentless adversary.
Initially, neither I nor those around me understood the nature of my struggles. Schizophrenia is a formidable condition that can erode the human spirit, depriving individuals of joy and subjecting them to ongoing distress.
For those unfamiliar with schizophrenia, it is characterized by symptoms such as delusions and hallucinations, including auditory hallucinations. In my experience, hearing voices has been the predominant symptom. Each person with schizophrenia has a unique story, yet we all navigate our own challenges in life.
As we age, we come to a profound understanding of our inherent fragility and our deep reliance on God. It is often observed that the likelihood of someone becoming a believer decreases with age, which is a regrettable reality. However, for those who are believers, our faith tends to deepen as we grow older.
I write to you from a place of brokenness, not solely due to affliction but from a wounded heart. I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and strength. There are times when we question the presence of the Lord, reaching a point where we ask, “Lord, where are you? Here I am.” Nevertheless, I wish to encourage you to remain steadfast in Christ, assured that He is watching over you.
There is much to discuss regarding the troubled soul. In our efforts to comprehend the chaotic nature of life, we continually strive to reconcile with the reality that the world often falls short of our expectations of fairness.
Many individuals are reluctant to openly discuss their struggles, often avoiding vocalizing their challenges due to the difficulty of acknowledging that they may require professional or medical assistance. Crisis helplines, such as 082911, receive hundreds of calls daily from people facing serious situations, reflecting the widespread need for support. Mental health institutions are operating at full capacity, accommodating not only psychiatric patients but also individuals who are struggling with substance addiction.
Depression affects far more people than many realize, including those experiencing manic episodes or living with bipolar disorder. The pressures of modern life can often feel overwhelming, and for some, daily challenges have become increasingly difficult to manage. While it is normal to experience fluctuations in mood, it is important to recognize the seriousness of mental health struggles. Alarmingly, every 40 seconds, someone in the world dies by suicide—a tragic outcome often rooted in a profound sense of hopelessness. These losses underscore the urgent need for greater awareness, support, and compassion for those facing mental health challenges.
It is evident that we live in a world where many people endure a variety of conditions, often without adequate support, highlighting the pressing need for greater awareness, openness, and resources in addressing mental health and related issues.
Some individuals have become desensitized to pain, losing the ability to feel. For those individuals, I hold a profound sense of empathy.
I am willing to be transparent about my condition. Having experienced numerous private mental health clinics, I have encountered a wide array of individuals, all sharing a common creed: a need stemming from some form of brokenness, whether due to illness or the inherent unfairness of life.
I am indeed unwell; schizophrenia is a degenerative condition, and my health continues to decline over time. I am prescribed serious (S5) antipsychotics and a combination of other medications daily, each with its own set of side effects. I am candid about my condition because I confront it every day, and it frequently features in my writings. This is simply because I wake up and go to bed with this illness—it is my reality. While I may not fully understand your reality, we each bear our own burdens, some heavier than others. Nonetheless, I firmly believe that the grace of God is sufficient.
The advantage of reaching rock bottom is that the only direction left is upward. Those with much have much to lose, but when you have nothing, there is nothing to lose and everything to gain. While it is not ideal to be in a state of need, it is often in these moments that we place our complete trust in the Lord, who has consistently proven faithful and has never let me down.
Wherever you may find yourself, be firmly grounded in the rock—Christ Jesus. He is our only true refuge and unwavering beacon of hope when all else fails, the lighthouse guiding us through life’s storms. We all encounter turbulent seasons; some may be facing a midlife crisis, questioning the purpose of it all and seeking meaning in the journey of life. In these moments, anchoring ourselves in Christ provides clarity, strength, and enduring hope.
During my darkest valleys of pain and infirmity, I have learned to rely on the Lord. As surprising as it may sound, I am grateful for my diagnosis of schizophrenia. While it is often regarded as one of the most challenging conditions within the medical community, I have found purpose and meaning through it. My experience allows me the privilege and joy of encouraging others, demonstrating that hope and resilience are possible even in the most difficult circumstances. If I can find strength in the face of such adversity, I believe I can help lift others from their despair. This is truly where my heart lies.
I was at the point in my life of “Goodbye, Farewell, Nice try.”
I wanted to give up, but then I realized, even though I might not love my life, there are others who do, and they need me.
Roughly a year ago, I made a life-ending attempt. I consumed an entire month’s medication in one sitting, leading to a critical two-week coma. Subsequently, I was admitted to the ICU for a week, requiring a ventilator. By day three of my hospitalization, the attending specialist conveyed to my family that my chances of recovery were minimal, urging them to pray if they were so inclined. Against all odds, I survived. In hindsight, I acknowledge the extreme selfishness of my decision.
Living with schizophrenia presents daily challenges. My life is difficult, as I’ve come to expect. Suffering is a familiar companion, a reality shared by those labeled “sufferers” with this condition. Yet, I cling to life and to my faith, holding onto the hope for a brighter future, even when it’s hard to see.
Mentioning my schizophrenia often elicits fear and paranoia in others. People tend to fear what they don’t understand, and I sometimes sense they worry it might be contagious, as if it could “jump” onto them. This condition is not something I chose; it’s genetic and fully emerged when I was nineteen.
Consequently, I struggle to maintain steady employment or any form of income. My wife and I live with my parents, and although they are elderly, we also provide care for them. A key characteristic of schizophrenia is an extreme sensitivity to stress, which can trigger and severely amplify symptoms.
This brings us to the heart of the matter. I’ve shared my story with you not without purpose. My intention is to reveal my own vulnerability, proving that even with paranoia schizophrenia, I, Jaco Basson, can persevere. This should empower you to push forward, leaving you with no excuse to falter. Keep going.
Life presents challenges for everyone, and you undoubtedly have your own unique struggles. While I may not know the specifics of your journey, we can find solace and strength in our shared love and the comforting embrace of the Lord.
